As my triumphantly won uber ride made its way to the airport, Richele had one more surprise in her. She again looked at me in the mirror and asked “You going to the airport? You traveling somewhere?” Surmising that my destination and luggage were not sufficient evidence of this fact to her, I looked up and stated blandly “yes”.
Now normally I’m a very talkative Uber passenger, but this ride was different. I was starting a journey of excitement, adventure and enjoyment and Richele had put me off on the wrong foot. I just wanted to get to the airport unscathed. I did not want to journey down the rabbit hole that was her life. Maybe, if I was a bit short and rude with my response, she would get the hint and just drive. Not a chance!
She again looked at me and began talking “you like to fly?” I shrugged a little and threw out my most put off “sure”. Hoping she would get the hint, stop looking in the mirror at me, and stay focused on the road! Her driving, vision, hearing and attention skills were already highly suspect. Could she navigate, talk and be trusted not to get us lost or kill us? I was doubtful.
She continued “I don’t fly, it’s too dangerous. Planes crash. People get sucked out of them. Sometimes they dissapear. Terrorists want to blow them up! Nope, not me. I’m staying on the ground where it’s safe!” As she finished her statement, she again looked to me in the mirror. Now I always appreciate good eye contact in a conversation, but dear lord. Not from my driver! Besides, my attention and eyes were focused intensely on the yellow light ahead.
Holy shit. She didn’t see it! It would be very red by the time we got there. I knew it. She was distracted! All I could think was “I’m gonna get T boned on the way to the damn airport! I didn’t have to worry about a plane crash. I was a goner two miles from my house!”
As I processed my impending death I reached up, pointed and exclaimed “red light. Red light. RED LIGHT!” It made no difference. She was not about to stop looking in the mirror at me wondering what my response would be to her profound statements about aviation safety. We blew through the red. She never even slowed down.
As I looked back at the crossing traffic,now In the intersection we just blew through, I began to wonder if i had entered some new level of hell i was unaware of. The dreaded 8th level of hell. Uber hell. Maybe I hadn’t awoken that morning with the new found super power of invisibility. Maybe I never awoke at all?? Did I pass away in my sleep only to transition to this hell? Was I to live an eternity in a 10 yr old Accord with grimy, dirty seats and 300 lb demon as my assigned tormentor?
At this point every nice bone in my body was gone. I had just escaped them alll being crushed by mere seconds. I had to say something. In my best forceful voice i calmly stated ”can you please focus on the road, i would like to not run any more red lights!” To which she deadpanned back “what red light?” She never even saw it!
Mercifully we only had a few more miles to go and no more lights! Somehow she managed to navigate us unscathed to the proper terminal. I almost didn’t wait for her to stop before I got out. I even pondered the old tuck and roll, but thankfully I didn’t need it. She stopped. I slid out, bag in hand,and I was free! I had escaped the 8th level of hell!
As I walked into the terminal, I wondered if there was a support group for victims of Richele? Where they slowly reintroduce you to the dirty back seat of a similarly faded gold Honda. You start by opening the door. Then putting a foot in and immediately pulling it out. Cold sweat down your back. Flashbacks taking over! Staff members that had been through it, softly telling you it will be alright. You can get two feet in next time!! I would have to look at that when I got back. But for now onto the next step. I had TSA, 20 hrs of flying, two airlines, three airports, Customs, immigration a hotel and South East Asia waiting!
bgjflyer 