Half way around the world by tomorrow. So why not!
Every journey starts with that most important first step. The step out the door. Mine took me into the brisk, Texas winter evening. It wasn’t a huge step. Only to the curbside. But I arrived there excited, brimming with anticipation. The long journey ahead occupied my mind fully. So many variables. So many places to get to. The logistics were incredible and daunting. But I will share w you a lesson I learned long ago. The journey is never what you think. You rarely arrive anywhere unscathed, ontime and well pressed. This journey would be no different, but I would enjoy it no matter what!
As I tracked my inbound Uber I had no doubt that Richele and her late model Honda Accord would easily deliver me to the next step. I saw her approach. I made eye contact with her, I smiled, she smiled and drove right on by!
Did she not see me? How many other people were standing curbside bags in hand?! I guess she could have been distracted by the traffic. I did see a car pass by a few minutes earlier. Perhaps it had distracted her? So I stood there and watched her drive off as my Uber app mocked me, telling me my driver was arriving now!
I watched her avatar get further and further away. No doubt proceeding around the block for another pass! This time I Was sure she would see me. I would stand closer to the road and waive at her to get her attention.
I needed to assure I would get her attention. The evening was cold and damp and standing curbside in it was not the most enjoyable activity. I pondered my waive techniques. I could go with the “welcome to Costco, I love you” waive of idiocracy fame or I could go with the Forest Gump on his boat greeting Lt Dan waive.
Forest Gump it is! Now I didn’t want to look like a retard standing there waiving, Because everyone knows you never go full retard, but I was going to seriously commit to this waive. As I saw her avatar coming around, I inched closer to the curb. As she approached I committed! It was no Queen Elizabeth in a carriage waive. It was two arms frantically flailing, I’m about to jump off a boat, waiving. I was confident a passing airplane could see me!
Oh no! My worst fears, I saw another car coming the other way! Sure, it was a quarter mile away, but she had already proven she was unable to handle a distraction. Would this hurt my chances? No, she would see me. I waived harder, i flailed more after all it was getting cold and starting to rain.
Unbelievably, she failed to see my best Forest Gump and drove right on by! Now I was starting to wonder. Was I somehow invisible? Had I woken up with a new super power I was unaware of? Sure that would be excellent if I were at the Ms Universe Pagent, but not while standing on the side of the road trying to catch an Uber.
Speculation of my new super powers aside, I began to question her eyesight. Was she related to Mr Magoo? (For those of you too young to know him. It’s called google.) Surely she had to have some sort of eye exam to be qualified as an Uber driver?
As I, again. watched her Uber avatar pull further and further away I decided to do the one thing that is most dreaded. I decided to call her. No one wants to call their Uber driver. It is one of the least enjoyable activities I can think of , but I had no choice.
Ring……ring……. ring…… ring. “Hello I ain’t available leave me a message”!! Are you kidding me. Was she not only blind but she also deaf? Is my Uber driver some sort of EEOC hire where you have to fill a quota and they hadn’t hired enough blind, deaf drivers? I had no choice. Next time around I had to really commit. I mean lay down In the road, throw myself in front of her style.
As her avatar rounded the block I moved myself and my bag into the road. She was going to stop or Uber was going to have a death on their hands. As her late model accord sped towards me at a breathtaking 20mph or so I saw it. A car following her!’ Oh no! Would she be too distracted by the car a quarter mile behind her? Would she be so worried about it in her mirror that she would run me over? It didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to let my journey half way around the world end on my front curb. I went for it!!
I threw myself into the street, employing my best Forest Gump waive, doubling down on my previous plan. Thankfully, just then she looked at me and slammed on the brakes! Thank you baby Jesus. She stopped!
Cold, damp and out of breath, I tossed my bag into her car and triumphantly slid into the seat. As she accelerated towards the airport she looked back at me and ,dead serious, said “you know next time you order an Uber you should try and signal them as they pass!”
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