I’m not exactly sure if it truly is day 4,286, but it sure as hell feels like it. What is going on in the outside world? From what I gather, not much. If you only watched the news, you would be pretty sure we are days away from realizing the zombie apocalypse as so fictionalized in Hollywood and in every millennial’s mind. I’m fairly sure i’m not going to have to fend off any zombies looking to eat my brains, but I am absolutely certain that I need to fend off the vampire that is boredom. It will suck the will to live right out of you, if you aren’t careful!
To fend off this vampire the usual tactics of garlic or a wooden cross just aren’t going to cut it. This evil cannot be defeated easily. It lurks in every shadow. It awakens every morning and does not want to go to sleep at night. It is trapped inside this house with me and gleefully it watches me and waits to bite. No work to do today, it lurks closer. No good movies on….even closer. No new sports to watch, boom, you have the fangs of boredom sunk into your neck. The next thing you know, you have been staring at a wall for 2 hours, drained of all of your happiness and desire to do a damn thing about it.
So how shall I combat this evil? I have tried the endless, mindless task of seeing every, single meme on the internet. However, one can only see a fat cat jumping to a counter, or kermit drinking tea only so much. Besides, it is obvious the vampire of boredom has attacked the meme makers as well. They are almost completely obsessed with Corona memes. Come on, can we see a meme of something else? Anything else? Well anything other than that bitch Carol Baskin? Everyone knows she killed her husband and fed him to the tigers.
Speaking of the Tiger King. One watches that show and hopefully the lesson learned isn’t just that there are crazy, strange people in america. The lesson taken away from Tiger King is that life is not fair. It’s never fair. A crazy woman possibly kills her husband, pretends to be an animal rights activist and suckers hundreds into volunteering for her park and she makes millions. Joe tries to run a park, give a show and be himself? He is destroyed and thrown in prison. I’m not defending his actions, just saying he was at least being a true representative of himself and he paid dearly for it.
The world does not want to see the truth. The world WANTS to be lied to. They want someone to tell them what they want to hear. They don’t want to see the wizard behind the curtain. They want to see the mirage…the matrix.
The Matrix…. now that movie has been on pretty much 75 times since lock down began. In fact I think the quarantine is celebrating the entire Keanu filmography. I have seen him stop a speeding bus, travel through time in a phone booth, learn to surf, rob banks and kill 3 people with a pencil….a fucking pencil! The lesson there is, if you get offered a job to go kill someone that has literally killed a thousand people, perhaps your answer should be, no, i’m good. I have no issues with Baba Yaga. By the way, a lesson learned over and over again, is never, ever mess with a mans dog.
Now that we have watched the entire Netflix data base and still have no live sports, I wonder what do you sports betting junkies do these days? I mean are we dropping odds on the over under of the junk mail the mailman brings today? +- (3) pieces?? I realized I spent half an hour watching a squirrel try to find a nut. I had him at -200. Here is a good one, even money bets on drive through window attendants. What color gloves will they be wearing? Clear? White? Black? Blue?
The lack of sports is trying on me. I’m not even that big of a sports junkie and I have realized how much value they have in entertaining a society. Not just the actual games, but the messes that are the actual athletes. Right now there is just no fun gossip, no De’andre Jordan being locked in his house by his teamates. No emoji wars. No trash talking. No rumors that so and so is wanting to leave his team or join team x. What the hell else am i going to read every day? The real news? Its worse than watching the Kardashians and believe me that is like rolling around in thumb tacs and then sitting in a bathtub of Tabasco sauce!
I guess I could read a book. Do people still do that? nahh.. there HAS to be something else to watch on Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, Disney + and the 500 miscellaneous shitty channels I pay for from DirectTv. Oh wait here is something. A documentary about vampire bats in South America. Interesting. I wonder if those bats turn into vampires? I wonder if my vampire of boredom also turns into a bat? Maybe I can catch it and cook that sucker! I am getting low on food supplies anyways and don’t really want to go back to the viral heaven that is Walmart. I think its a good idea, I mean what could possibly go wrong if I eat a bat????
bgjflyer 