As an American you get so used to everyone insulating you from your own stupidity. We have all seen the warning signs, the commercials prefaced by the ubiquitous “don’t try this at home” (like I’m gonna BASE jump off my roof with an umbrella) the endless liability waiver forms etc. Everyone trying to point out that the actions you are about to take are not always safe and you may be injured.
In Asia it is the exact opposite. They go out of their way to downplay any possibility at all that anything you are about to attempt has any level of danger whatsoever. Want to ride a scooter through heavy Asian traffic with no helmets. Check. How about petting a live tiger? With no leash. Check. Climb a waterfall? Check. I swear I heard a kid ask his mom if they could go on a cobra wrangling. Sure why not. What could possibly go wrong with that? It’s like hey we are on vacation and nothing goes wrong when you are on vacation!
All of this makes me wonder how many tourists these places “lose” each year. Now I know this area of SE Asia lost hundreds of thousands killed during the Boxing Day Tsunami back in 2004, including tens of thousands of tourists but we will give them a pass for that one. Sometimes God is just pissed. Though I can say I haven’t seen any “anti-tsunami” improvements. I’m not talking about your biblical disaster type losses. I mean your daily ,oops, I guess I should have worn a helmet. Or damn I forgot to hook his belt to the bungy cord before he jumped type loses.
That number has to be large. I mean riding a pissed off elephant at some point is not going to end well. Oh hey want to come play with the crocodile? Sure why not. I’ve been drinking all day. Sounds fun.
As I attempt many of these activities, like zip lining the tree tops, for research purposes of course, my mind can’t help but wonder if they have ever had to remove this harness from a dead body. I mean you can’t lose good equipment and keep your business running! As I climb the mountain to get to the zip line platform the complete lack of any hand rail or guide rope strikes me as a bit odd. But I push on. Can’t go back down. Too damn steep!
So I keep climbing. Finally coming to a small clearing with a wooden platform and a series of cables that do not look like the most sturdy, well maintained stainless steel variety. They look more like something that has been hooked to that tree and mountain by the current purveyors grandparents. Through all the storms and winds and rust. But again I’m committed. Besides I’m on vacation so I’m good.
As they click me on and hook me up it all seems rather quick. I mean .5 seconds quick and next thing I feel is a hand in my back and off I go! No decision making here. You can’t even remotely chicken out. As you are being pushed off the ledge regardless! My speed accelerates as I slide down hill. All the while hearing the cables tension stress and hoping that I don’t plunge 100′ to my death in the raging river below! As the platform approaches at a breakneck speed I feel hope. I’m gonna make it! Wait. How the hell am I gonna stop?! As I fling into this makeshift backstop at what felt like 100mph. The adrenaline hits! I have survived!
Now where the hell is that cobra? We got some wrangling to do, what on earth could possibly go wrong?!
bgjflyer 